Such a land I couldn’t have imagined. Fields of sage and sticky plants… I long to learn them, know them, grow into them and feel their muted escape. Such colors I’ve never known! The hushed hues allow my mind to relax.
breathe, deep—to think wide—to resist the big, ugly, narrow , hope-less-ness.
To realize that there is a big, wild space of grace painted with windy yellow and pale greens.
A new landscape can unearth the compacted subconscious. I am realizing how easily offended I am…How absolutely graceless my initial reactions can be. It is embarrassing in a place I have no complicated baggage in…no old-time justifications. My reservations and fears are strangely unmasked here, in this wilder place. I want to sit with the things that strike a chord of offense with me, pause and meditate on the places of newfound discomfort. I want to suck out the deep marrow of what struck me.
I long for freedom and a spirit of adventure. To have so much interest in things that I am kept up at night working—thinking—cooking—praying—laughing—sewing—painting. Any Thing will do.
Something must keep us awake, must help us fight the ganwing temptation to shut our eyes and rely on what we know—who we’ve been, cocooning ourselves in a dazed slumber. The thought of submitting to the tiredness that comes from newness and confrontation is, in itself, offensive. I hope for the energy to find an active growth here, to pursue a season of new color, refreshing winds, revitalizing challenges.
Though well-intentioned, our first hike was short lived, and on my account.
I felt exhausted and was suprisingly skiddish, fearing the possibility of “the GRIZZ”.
Though the mud and snow was our primary reason for turning back soon after setting out, I realized that I have become an urbanite, and that it may be difficult to integrate myself into a “wilder” place.
I long for the courage to explore this creation, though.
Because life feels suddenly simple, almost strangely slow, I am comforted by little, simple objects—
Things from lovely friends that catch light,
A little confident and peaceful (though quite out-of-season!!) Christmas mouse from childhood,
Slippers warmed by a salt-sun
And breakfast made and eaten leisurely.
I am thankful for this time, sometimes naturally, sometimes decidedly.
